A family is a unit, just like an infantry squad is a unit. In order to function effectively, that unit must be together. In war, that squad works together to accomplish their mission. Just as in a family unit, every member is vital to that unit. Why is it that the military recognizes the importance of an infantry squad and the dynamics of that unit to function, but fails to see the importance of keeping the family unit together after service is rendered?

Upon honorably discharging from the Marine Corps, James was in need of multiple treatments both physically and mentally. Once settling into civilian life, he checked into the VA where they put him on a waiting list for surgery while regularly attending the VA for multiple and continuous therapies. During this time, their answer to his pain was medications that left him dazed, hindered his capabilities, and did not allow him to live a normal life. There were several failed attempts to get him the care he needed that dragged on for nearly 5 years before receiving the call for surgery. Once he finally went through the procedure, the surgery was botched, leaving him without the use of his dominant arm and limited head movement.

His 8-week recovery soon turned into a long drawn out process of appointments and even more medications. James went from needing limited assistance to needing a full-time caregiver. His appointments tallied anywhere from 11 to 13 a week and he was unable to get himself to and from them due to his inability to drive. The VA recommended for us to temporarily stay at the Fisher House located on the campus of the VA. The Fisher House is a good program for very short term stays for veterans and/or family members, but ours turned into 7 months. A communal living environment for a Veteran family with children is not ideal, to say the least. We documented our journey and have provided links if you’re interested in watching and hearing more.

This 7 month stay and botched surgery resulted in our family losing everything and needing a second surgery to correct the first one. During this time, we searched resources, fought broken systems, and initiated two congressional inquiries for support. They were unable to help in all areas.

While there are many Veteran programs out there, each option we found separated the family. There are factors that can cause ongoing tensions within the family unit such as separation anxiety, resentment, and an overall divide in the healing process. A family must go through the healing process together in order to truly come together as one and succeed.

The majority of available programs focused on addiction for the Veteran, which was not a factor in our story. Years of struggle ensued resulting in financial loss and debt, losing our residence, and facing homelessness while still needing adequate care for the Veteran in our family. Only God gave us the courage and strength to keep fighting these giant broken systems. We worked with literally dozens of programs, but they all fell short. We felt like we were drowning, helpless, depressed, all the while growing further and further from one another.

How could there be nothing for Veteran families to heal and recover together? How would we ever fix the file issues and secure proper medical care for the Veteran in our family?  How would our family ever be the same?  Where would we live, what would we do?

The Veteran in our family had given his all to this country, only to be abandoned and discarded. But we couldn’t quit, after all, our child was watching. So, we fought! We started documenting everything, contacting anyone we thought would help and spoke out where we could, we endured.